| Hypnosis and
Hypnotherapy Explained ...
Relearning Natural Confidence
By Tom Connelly D.Hyp, FBSCH
What is natural self-confidence? Have you
ever had it? Do you have it now? If not, where and how has it gone?
Being newly born we neither have
confidence nor lack it but after a few short months we begin the
experiential process of living, where in almost every moment there is a
test of our capabilities. Our early experiences and the feedback we
receive from them quickly determine how certain of comfort and
safety we can be in our personal surroundings.
This sense of certainty adds to the balance of our self-confidence,
just as experiences which unde
r mine that certainty subtract
from the balance of our self-confidence. Even Though there may be
differences in character potentials between one infant and another, which are probably due to inherent
genetic traits, self-confidence arises almost entirely from this
process of feedback from experience. To put
it simply, high levels of confidence are the result of
preparation and positive experience.
The practicalities of life teach us that all learned experiences
are not positive and we inevitably suffer setbacks.
In these difficult times the balance of our
self-confidence may not be increased and we may in fact have
a learning experience leading to a feeling of helplessness which
undermines our confidence. Sometimes this
learning process can be so complete that a very low level of
self-confidence results and one can come to feel helpless in the face
of almost everything. This leads to low
levels of self esteem, overall lack of confidence and can even
lead to depression.
Given that the level of confidence we experience is based on
our life 'experience bank balance' one might ask where all these
experiences are stored? The simple answer
is that this balance is held at an unconscious level and it is there
that we should look in order to change the way we feel about ourselves
and the life circumstances we face. Even though we may have had
unhelpful parents, difficult school days, emotional upsets and
unavoidable bad luck we can still review and re-evaluate the effect of
these experiences and release ourselves from their negativity.
Here are a few tips and practical exercises we can use:
Stay in the present - turning over a new leaf.
On realising that our lack of confidence in the present moment is
based on experiences from our past the first thing to do is to
mentally 'turn over a new leaf' and become determined that our past
should not be allowed to predict how we feel right now.
Each moment is new and anything is possible - even
good things! Why should things
that are currently happening be coloured by an unhelpful
Develop the 'feel' of being confident -
setting 'anchors' to good feelings.
We all know how we don't want to feel but if you really want to make
changes it's important that we also know how we do
want to feel. Everyone has had some
successes, at some time everyone has felt happy even if it was only for
a fleeting moment. The way we felt in
these moments may seem in the distant past and may have been brief
but it's a valuable exercise to re-examine these moments.
Often people have a habit of easily dismissing their
successes while placing great weight on their failures thereby easily
creating a disparity in their emotional bank account.
Take some time to yourself as often as you can. It need
only take a few minutes but can be practised several times a day -
especially as one lays in bed at night waiting to drift to sleep. Pull out of your memory one of the instances
in your life where you have achieved a success and relive the
feeling in your imagination. Try to
feel the bodily feeling of happiness that you experienced at that time.
Savour that feeling and make it grow within yourself, amplify it
until it fills you up from the inside. Do this as often as you can
remember to do it in any spare moment you have during the
day. Keep bringing that pleasant feeling to mind and re-experience
it. When you get the feeling say to yourself, "now I'm feeling
confident". This is you anchor phrase.
Mental Rehearsal - it's always real in your
Think of a situation in which you want to feel and act confidently.
Replay the situation in your minds eye and imagine yourself feeling and
being confident. Use the anchor phrase, "now I'm feeling confident". If
you are worried about public speaking, imagine your self talking
to a room full of people with calmness and ease. See them smiling and
nodding approval as you talk and imagine their applause when you
finish. The unconscious mind will not differentiate between an actual
presentation and an imagined one, it only assesses the feeling content.
Do this often in spare moments and again it's good to do this before
going to sleep. You will soon fill up your emotional bank balance with
confidence you can draw upon later.
Take the plunge - it's not such a drop
Often people avoid situation which cause feelings of uncertainty and
this is a sure way to maintain those feelings. At some point you have
to say to yourself "to hell with it, come what may I have to try".
Trying is important because even if you fail you may realise it's not
the end of the world and you didn't shrivel up and die! People are very
understanding. Of course if you succeed this will also be a plus for
you and your confidence level will rise. You can always set yourself
incremental tasks, slowly working up to the 'big' event.
who has the confidence you need - we're all actors
Choose someone you know or see regularly on television who exudes
confidence in the manner you would like to. Examine their
behaviour and stance to see how they project themselves in such a
confident way. Imagine yourself in the roles they play.
You might also read books
or watch films of inspiring life stories about people who overcame
adversity by their own efforts, or who set high standards of courage -
identify yourself with them.
You could use a mantra to help prepare your unconscious
mind. Coue's 'Every day in every way, I'm getting better and better,'
is a possibility, repeating it to yourself as often as you can (when
you don't need your attention for critical work). Or there is the
manifestation mantra, which goes:
'Health wealth wisdom oneness, Health wealth wisdom love'
You could try one of the many downloadable hypnosis recordings designed to increase your
sense of confidence.
click here to Try